Who am I to say? « in between the 'i love you' and 'i hate you'

I've said this before, but it feels like I'm caught in some kind of middle ground between what's real and what's not. It's very hard to tell – I'm not able to decide until a few days later. I try to open my mouth, but no words come out. I try to wave my hands in the air; but they just keep disappearing. I'm stuck, and it's the worst feeling ever imaginable.

I've studied for my finals all day, except for one meal break, I went out to lunch with a good friend from school. We ate salads while talking about school, friends, men and other girl type stuff. When I came home, I wrote 6 pages of notes in my notebook – I can't remember writing any of it. I met up with her later to eat sushi and have a beer, and I still can't remember anything other than picking at my nigiri while trying to crack jokes about our situation.

All I hear is white noise inside of me. I question all the things I've done today. It can't just be my imagination, for god's sake, I have the polaroids to prove it. But why do I feel completely numb? I have no perspective of time and place.
What's real and what's not?